


Spineless Boys

by mucasliller



Series: Spineless Boys [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, I can't stop giving Lucas pets and boyfriends, M/M, Magnus is afraid, insects as pets, madagascar hissing cockroach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 05:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mucasliller/pseuds/mucasliller
Summary: "Hey Lucas, was there anything else we needed to do in here besides get attacked by one of your janky ass cockroaches, cause you don't clean your elevator room?" "Yeah, yeah that's how it works, they'remycockroaches just cause they happened to be in my place."Of course they weren't his. Lucas would never lethiscockroaches get hurt.





	Spineless Boys

**Author's Note:**

> This was literally written in one day, spurred by the reminder that Lucas is a dirty boy who would probably find great comfort in mistakenly dirty animals (hissing cockroaches are very good and clean). Just some fluff I felt like writing for the hell of it. You might wanna skip this one if you don't like insects tho.

The Reclaimers had grown accustom to seeing the Bureau’s scientific consultant, even though they rarely conversed with him. Lucas Miller had many irons in their organization’s fire, and thus wasn’t uncommon to just find somewhere, administering repairs and evaluations or just straight up poking his nose in other people’s business. 

He was very good at the later, and he was doing _just_ that when the trio found him in the canon hanger, rambling to their ballistics expert who was sometimes too patient for his own good. 

The three men caught Avi’s desperate gaze from the doorway, eyes that implored them to save him from the oblivious researcher gushing at him about aerodynamics and physics and equations. All things that the canon launcher very much liked in moderation, but not so much when he was twenty minutes off the clock and had no foreseeable end in sight. 

Unfortunately for him, none of the Reclaimers were feeling particularly charitable, less the babbling scientist became _their_ problem. 

Taako and Merle exchanged knowing looks across the meat mountain that was Magnus Burnside, then back toward the hall they had every intention of slipping away too. The wizard reached to yank the fighter by the back of his shirt, only for his fingers to be met with air. Magnus had stepped into the hanger, his eyes transfixed on the scientist that continued rambling until he felt burn of someone’s gaze. 

“Um, hi...?” Lucas looked back inquisitively, glancing between the fighter and the ballistic expert who was subtly attempting to grab his satchel. He’d met this guy once before, when he’d _politely suggested_ that he research the mysterious sea creature that Lucretia put an unwarranted amount of fate in. His name was Magnus, Lucas was mostly certain. One of the Reclaimers. He opened his mouth to ask what the other wanted, more intent on continuing his current conversation when the fighter beat him to it.

“... What the hell is that?” Magnus inquired, a massive finger pointed at the scientist’s lab coat. Specifically his chest pocket, where a pair of dark, long antenna were peeping through. 

_Oh Theodore._

Lucas smiled as he sighed, thoughtlessly (but carefully) scooping out a massive, softly hissing cockroach from his pocket. “Gods. You little escape artist. Can’t you see daddy’s trying to work?”

“.... LUCAS WHAT THE **HELL** IS THAT!?” 

Magnus had already jumped back several feet in the short moment it took to register what was crawling up the scientist’s hand, accidentally bumping into his teammates that crumbled in laughter at his expense. He scowled at them both, but his attention was quickly diverted back as the scientist that _followed_ him, still holding the behemoth of an insect and beaming like Candlenights. Excited for the chance to _learn some fools._

Lucas was so entranced by the opportunity he didn’t even notice as Avi quietly slipped past the Reclaimers, offering a unapologetic wince and a peace sign as he abandoned them to the whims of the bug enthusiast. 

“Oh man, have you _seriously_ never seen one of these before? It’s a hissing cockroach, originally imported from Madagascar but they’re bred pretty much everywhere now. They’re excellent protein for birds and reptiles. Some species are even used in mortal cuisines.” 

“I mean, that’s _true,”_ Taako confirmed, shoving the disgusted fighter off (and perhaps, intentionally closer to the object of his fear). “Don’t really explain why you’ve got one in your pocket though. Is it a snack for later, Miller?”

The scientist pouted as he perched the invertebrate on his shoulder. “They’re my pets.” He offered, indignant and clearly a little hurt by their disinterest. But that was fine. He could work with that. He could make them understand how cool his sweet boy was. 

“They make excellent pets. They’re not aggressive or dangerous, they’re friendly and super easy to take care of. And contrary to popular myth they’re exceptionally clean, way cleaner than your average person. Plus they feel _so cool._ They’re like polished wood. Come on, try petting him, I _promise_ it’s not weird.” 

“Wood huh?” Merle was perhaps the least perturbed of their bunch, and especially the fighter who was inched back away from the scientist. But even still, the dwarf had no interest in touching the thing. He also had zero qualms with throwing his dear friend under the wagon. “... Well that’s right up your alley, Mr. Carpenter. Why don’t you go and pet the lil’ guy Magnus!” 

“What!? No, no way I’m not--”

Two simultaneous pushes sent the human stumbling toward Lucas, almost falling into the scrawny scientist who immediately cupped a hand over the insect protectively. From the doorway his teammates cackled again, wiggling their fingers with wide, scheming grins. Magnus tossed them both a nasty glare once he’d gathered his footing. _Assholes._

Magnus was ready to rush back out, but unfortunately for him the nerd was even quicker. A hand quickly snatched onto his sleeve, the other extending the massive invertebrate out on a flat palm. His body clenched as he watched the creature’s antenna squirm, anchored down by legs that suddenly felt like iron. 

“Dude, are you serious?” To the scientist’s credit he didn’t just shove the insect in Magnus’ face, though that may have been moreso to protect his precious boy from being smashed by big, meaty claws. “You’re seriously scared of a little bug? You’re like, a million times bigger than him.” 

“Okay one, that’s some pretty lousy math from a _scientist,_ and second it’s not little, it’s E-NOR-MOUS--” Whatever third point Magnus intended to highlight died with a hard flinch and a sharp yelp, as Lucas nudged his extended hand just a _little_ closer. 

Which helped to soften his expression as he noted the very real discomfort in the other man’s face. “Hey, come on man, they’re really not bad, they’re just… they’re misunderstood, you know? Just give it one pet and I’ll leave you alone, I swear. It won’t jump or bite or anything, at most he’ll just hiss a little but that’s completely harmless.” The hand still on the fighter’s arm offered a gentle squeeze, words and gesture easing a hair of tension. 

Though Magnus was clearly still not stoked about _touching_ this thing. Because he wasn’t. But if it would mean Lucas would finally _bug off_ than it was an offer the Reclaimer was going to have to take. “One pet.” A single finger held up with a pointed glare, an unspoken threat should the dweeb test his willingness. “And then you take that thing and scram.”

The scientist nodded vigorously, twisting his wrist as the creature began crawling to the back of his hand. “Okay, just let him get settled,” Lucas’ smile eased suddenly, an air of caution clouding his enthusiasm. “... But seriously don’t, uh, please don’t hurt him? Like, I really want you to do it, but not if you’re gonna flip your shit and accidentally smash him or something...” 

Magnus hadn’t expected that. The very sincere concern for what he had (and honestly still) deemed as a reproachable sin against Pan. 

But. He supposed that wasn’t really the cockroach’s fault. Nor was it the fault of the scientist who’d found something to love in the creature. “I won’t hurt him,” he promised with earnest, cautiously easing his hand closer to the invertebrate.

_Animal Handling proficiency, don’t fail me now._

The fighter gently stroked the cockroach’s shiny, slightly ridged back, immediately surprised by the cool, smooth touch. Lucas hadn’t been wrong in his comparison. The feeling was very much like finished wood, reminding him of the last project he’d carved and polished. Magnus allowed himself a few more touches, flinching slightly as it procured the faint, forewarned hisses. But even that was more so from surprise than terror. “That’s _really_ weird.” 

“He’s just a little nervous. Try petting a little more softly.” Lucas watched in awe as the fighter slowly opened up to his beloved pet. He leaned in a little closer, allowing Magnus better access to dote attention on the insect. “They hiss as an alarm if they’re distressed, or when they’re fighting or looking for mates. All the hisses sound really distinct, actually, so you get a feel for what they need pretty easy.” 

Neither of them registered their increasing closeness through the miniature animal biology lecture, nor the way the researcher’s fingers had begun to rub against the fighter’s bicep. An unconscious gesture to keep the other man calm. It seemed to be working, or at least it wasn’t hindering Magnus growing interest. 

“Huh. You know it’s not… I mean I guess he’s really not that bad.” 

“Oh man, I’m so glad you think so! And you know, they’re really easy to keep as pets, they just need a little space and they’ll eat just about anything you give them. And _they’re_ totally allowed on the moon--”

A boisterous cackle from across the room tore both men’s attention away from the insect and each other. “Um, yeah, no. _Fuck no.”_ Taako sneered as he shook his head, a finger waggled in upmost disapproval. “There is _no_ fuckin’ way Magnus is bringing one of those in the dorm I share with him. Nuh uh. Noooo fuckin’ way. Mags, you say goodbye to your little boyfriend cause we’ve got shit to do.” 

Magnus would have probably argued that he was free to do what he wished, and adopt whatever policy-abiding pets he wanted, if not for that last little quip. It sprung a flush across both his and the scientist’s cheeks, both now keenly aware of where their bodies touched and all too quick to dissolve the contact. Their mutual leaps spurred more laughter from the wizard and cleric, both of whom were now heading out of the hanger. 

“C’mon man, seriously, we’ve got training. Say goodbye to nerdlord and get a move on!”

Taako wasn’t wrong, but Magnus still found good cause to frown and stick his tongue out at his friends behind their backs. “Dicks.” He glanced at the scientist who’d pulled away from him, sporting a tinge of red and a look of clear disappointment. “Well uh, hey. Thanks for getting me to try it. He’s actually pretty neat. But it probably wouldn’t be fair to get one if my roommates weren’t cool with it, you know?”

Lucas conceded with a nod and a deep sigh, gingerly cupping the cockroach to his chest. “Yeah, that’s… that’s completely fair. I’m, uh, glad you liked it though…” His eyes diverted back to the creature in his palms, a gentle smile beginning to accompany his blush “... But you could visit me in my lab sometime if you wanted to see more of them? I’ve got some other things too.”

“Yeah?” Magnus grinned, cautious but genuinely curious. Genuinely endeared as the scientist nodded eagerly. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve got a shit load of animals. Some big land snails, tarantulas, even a few snakes. Oh god I can’t wait to show you my Burmese! Though snakes are actually _vertebrates,_ which is different in that--”

“U-uh, okay, let’s... take all of this _one_ animal at a time…” But something about the fighter’s smile suggested he wouldn’t exactly be opposed to the offer. “...Yeah though. That sounds cool Lucas. I’ll swing by sometime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr @ allnuttin


End file.
